How we really select a match │/span> How Love Makes Us Human with Dr Anna Machin<

Which attributes make us match? How does our unconscious work?

Stay with us to find out.

The human dating environment is a little bit like the stock market. We all have a value on our head. In our case, it's a biological market value based on the likelihood we will be reproductively successful, so that we will have children and have quite a number of them. Humans tend to assortatively mate, which means we end up with people who happen to have a similar market value to ourselves. So those who are high market value stick together, those who are low and those who are in the middle. Humans are also capable of having two sorts of relationships: long-term relationships and short-term relationships, sometimes at the same time. But what we look for in the person who's going to be our mate differs depending upon the length of the relationship.

In a long-term relationship, commitment and fidelity are key. You need that person to stick around. And when women look at men, resources and protection are more important than for example a good set of genes. Ultimately though, how we calculate your market value is based on the different parenting roles.

So, for example for women, you're looking for indicators of health, fertility and fidelity. With men it's all about attributes that indicate that they can provide, protect, and that they will be committed to the relationship. Sensors are key at this point, because it is our sensors which take in the information when we first meet someone, allowing us to calculate their mate value and decide whether they're the person for us. So, for example if we look at your vision, your sight, one of the first things we do is assess the body shape of the person in front of us. Now, if we're talking about women, one particular body ratio is important and that is the waist to hip ratio. The ideal waist-hip ratio universally, regardless of culture, is 0.7. That's kind of your classic hourglass. And the reason why it is so important and so attractive to everybody is that it has a direct relationship between health and fertility. The 0.7 ratio is linked to health directly, so, having a 0.7 lowers the likelihood that you will have diabetes, that you will suffer from a heart condition, and that you will suffer from certain forms of cancer. Also, it is an indicator of circulating oestrogen, because that hourglass figure shows us that the person is still fertile. When we go post-menopause and the testosterone increases, then we see a ratio that goes more towards 1. So, it's an important indicator of health and fertility.

Men also don't get away with not having a ratio. They have the shoulder-waist ratio. And the ideal there is a 1.6. This is the classic triangle and it's a good indicator of athleticism, of dominance, and of having high circulating testosterone. All important things when you need to protect and provide.

For both sexes, facial symmetry or asymmetry is key. Our genes are programmed to make us bilaterally symmetrical, so two hands, two feet, two ears, two eyes. However, when we are developing in the womb, our genes get knocked off course by the environmental stresses that we might experience, so, nobody is entirely symmetrical. However, if you are closer to symmetry, then it shows that your genes went through all these challenges but still managed to make you pretty symmetrical, which means they must be very strong. And we all want our children to have those genes. Therefore, facial asymmetry is attractive.

The sense of smell is key, particularly if you are a woman, because we can smell genetic compatibility in a future mate. And this is because we can smell the distance between our set of genes from the major histocompatibility complex and those of our potential partner. We want that distance to be as large as possible, because by having a diverse set of genes our child will have the most diverse immune response when disease attacks.

And finally, hearing is key. Voice pitch is important for both sexes. So, for example if you are a man, you prefer a higher pitch because it's more feminine. If you are a woman, you prefer a lower pitch because it's indicative of circulating testosterone and of body size, both of which are linked to dominance and success. It has been known for a man who is trying to attract a mate to artificially lower his voice pitch, just to make himself appear bigger. But really the most important thing you can do with your sense of hearing is listen to what somebody says. Arguably, the brain is the sexiest organ in your body, and when we listen to what people say, what they talk about, their sense of humour, the choice of vocabulary they use, it's an indicator of intelligence and cognitive flexibility, two things that you want your child to inherit.

So, you see someone across a crowded bar and your sensors gather lots of information for you. There are also other considerations such as: What is my mate value? Will my family and friends like them? And then you decide whether this person is for you. If so, bingo, neurochemicals start circulating and you make the first move.

Now, often when I describe this particular dating scenario, people say to me “But what about feminism? Women today don't actually need a man to protect and provide for them. They can do that themselves”. I'm afraid the answer to this is this: for something such as dating behaviour, which is so evolutionarily old to change, we need the impact of feminism to be universal, and unfortunately for the vast majority of women in the world, it is not. And therefore, dating behaviour hasn't changed even though women are in a position now in some circumstances to look after themselves.

The other issue that people sometimes state is: What about sexuality? This is surely heterosexual dating, because for most gay people it is not possible for them to have a biological child, so they're not selecting the parent of their child. Well, actually the data on how selection happens amongst gay people is a little bit muddy at the moment. We're not entirely sure. However, one point I will make is that gay parents are now a real phenomenon. In many cultures, it's now much easier for them to adopt or have their own children. And therefore, as a gay person when you are out looking for your long-term partner, you might possibly be looking for the parent of your future child, and therefore the same rules apply.

In the next part of our series, I will explore the unique nature of friendship love and its essential role in our lives.

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